Stailing

My kind of man

2011-12-08T11:16:00.001-04:00

So this is the kind of husband I have… I work two 12-hr days in a row. He’s home with the 4 kids. On Tuesday, he prepares super-delicious Manicotti for supper all the while dressing all the kids in their Christmas dress clothes to go the school Christmas concert. They are there not only on time but 25 minutes early at 6:05pm. Day 2 I get home at 7:20 pm but he’s not home because he’s out carting the kids to dance and karate. There are two baking dishs of Rice Krispie Squares on the the table as well as dozens of chocolate chip cookies. The table is also covered with grocery bags of baking supplies that he picked up earlier.

That’s the kind of man I married… my kind of man :)

Slowly going yzarc

2011-11-24T12:14:00.000-04:00

This was the original name of my post but now I am definitely going yzarc because I just spent all morning researching and writing a blog and went to answer the phone and somehow my 2 year-old cut the entire post. Even though I was “saving drafts,” I accidentally saved the deleted post over it instead of hitting UNDO! I can’t believe it.. it was worth the work though and maybe I will rewrite it again soon. BOOOOOO….

A Proper Perspective

2011-11-11T08:53:00.001-04:00

No sleeping in this morning for me as my 8 month old is uncharacteristically awake at 7:30 am. As I lie in bed hearing the wind roar and the rain beating off the windows I think of my husband who is doing Red Serge duty later this morning at the Remembrance Day Service. “Sucks to be him” I think as I contemplate dragging my kids out to the service to watch from the protection and warmth of our vehicle.

Then I realize what Remembrance Day is all about. It’s remembering that men lived and died in trenches in conditions much worse than a little November rain. It’s being thankful for the men and women who now serve our country to assist in bringing peace to other countries. And never forgetting that we enjoy the freedom we do because battles were fought, wars were won, and lives were lost.

Thank-you Veterans and Members of the Canadian Armed Forces. Canada is eternally grateful. I am eternally grateful.

In Flanders Fields the poppies blow

Between the crosses, row on row,

That mark our place; and in the sky

The larks, still bravely singing, fly

Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago

We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,

Loved and were loved, and now we lie

In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:

To you from failing hands we throw

The torch; be yours to hold it high.

If ye break faith with us who die

We shall not sleep, though poppies grow

In Flanders Fields
by
Dr. John McCrae, Canadian Soldier, May 1915

Coincidence? Me - sa not know

2011-10-21T01:46:00.002-03:00

Why is it that you may never read or hear about a particular subject but the moment you do, or the moment your brain actually takes notice, that you’ll hear or read about this subject again within a week? This happens to me all the time! Tonight it happened and I’m wondering if it was a mere coincidence.

The past 6 months or so I have been reading The Left Behind series by Jerry Jenkins and Tim LaHaye. For Christians and non-believers alike, these books are a great read, exciting and Biblically based. Don’t be distracted as I was on the sappy romance of book 2 or 3 (can’t remember which) as this fades and is less a prevalent story. I’ve taken a hiatus from the original series because I have to order the next book from another library and delved into the prequels (they were at my library). I just finished book 2 of the prequels and got online to check my email etc. I also wanted to see how popular the Left Behind series was in relation to other fictions series.

My email contained one of those hoax emails asking for signatures to stop a petition to the FCC trying to eliminate Christian broadcasting. They had a list of names of well-known Christian speakers including Joel Osteen, Joyce Meyer, Charles Stanley, and David Jeremiah and how they would no longer be broadcasted. I heard of all the others but not David Jeremiah. I Googled this so-called petition and of course it’s been circulating in various forms for 8 years now, the one I received since 2008.

So my search about the popularity of the Left Behind series led me to the New York Times Best Sellers list*. It didn’t help much with my question but as I scrolled the top-sellers in the various categories many were familiar: The Help, the recent book turned blockbuster movie; Heaven is for Real, about the little boy who recounted descriptions of a visit to heaven; The Five Love Languages, after 15 years still at the top of the list for Paperback Advice and Miscellaneous, which is awesome. At the top of Hardcover Advice and Miscellaneous there was those names again David Jeremiah and Joel Osteen. Joel Osteen I knew, young curly haired guy, never really listened to him much when I’ve seen him on TV cause he never really caught my attention. But who is David Jeremiah? So I looked up his new book.

The title isn’t very revealing: “I Never Thought I’d See the Day!” The day for what? I soon found out that is a book regarding the changes that have occurred over the last couple of decades and how Christians are to respond to these changes. As I downloaded a sample of the introduction to the book I was surprised to find it dedicated to none other than Tim and his wife Beverly LaHaye. So…. I finish a book about the last days as prophesied in the Bible, check my email and read a fabricated and totally unrelated story about a Christian teacher I’ve never heard about, Google about aforementioned book, end up on the New York Times Best-sellers list and realize this Christian teacher is on the list for books he’s written about the end times and has dedicated his latest book to the very author whose book I had just finished reading … Hmm coincidence?

I believe there are some things that are coincidences and some that are not. This one? hmmm not so sure. Is it God’s way of telling me I need to get me this book by David Jeremiah? You must realize, after reading the Left Behind series now in succession over the past few months, and reading the book of Revelation as I finally finished the Bible from cover to cover in July, I’ve been a little on the paranoid side. Maybe paranoid is not the right word, but my interest in end-time prophecy is piqued as it has been at times over most of my life, okay maybe a little paranoid :). I did an personal study in my early twenties on the end-times, and have a read a few books on the subject over the years. I try to keep up on current world events and how they fit into the picture of the end times but it seems the more I learn, the more there is to learn. There are two subjects that I try not to think about too much: end-time prophecy and abortion. The latter because it breaks my heart to the point where I cry my eyes out in desperation and the former because it makes me feel like I’m going crazy.

This book seems to deal less with the changes in our culture that are indicative of the end-times drawing near, but more of how Christians are to combat and remain true to God’s word in a society that is becoming increasingly God-less. I use God-less instead of godless because there is no lack of gods in our culture, both implicitly and explicitly worshipped. Maybe what I really need to be reading about is that despite how depressed and often angry I feel pretty well every time I read the news headlines, that God is in control, and that there is hope. I focus on the age-old questions: “Aren’t You as angry as I am about the constant defaming of Your name? How much more can You tolerate? Are coming today Lord? Is it next week? Next year? Jesus, I know even You don’t know the exact hour or even the day but You must know if it’s soon? Will we go with You right away or are we to endure some or all of the Great Tribulation?”

Instead I should be asking “Lord, what can I do for You today to further Your kingdom and bring You glory?”

*When reading the list of the best sellers I was surprised that so many Christian titles were listed, particularly in the non-fiction and advice categories. While quickly scanning the children’s best sellers lists I was taken aback to see Richard Dawkins as an author. Richard Dawkins? The evolutionist Richard Dawkins? The atheist who’s life work has been to elevate science and obliterate religion? I’m amazed by the disconnect of having numerous Christian authors peppering the “advice” category of best sellers and yet the “children’s chapter books” has one of the most anti-religious, essentially anti-Christian authors of our time. Who’s indoctrinating now? It brings much credence to David Jeremiah’s first chapter of I Never Thought I’d See the Day “When Atheists Would Be Angry.” It makes me fearful for the generation that is coming after mine.

LOL

2011-10-07T10:25:00.001-03:00

The Funeral

2011-09-08T17:19:00.001-03:00

Has there been a day when God is just like slapping you in the face with His Word? Moments when you don’t have to guess what He’s trying to tell you, it’s so obvious that you would be an idiot not to figure it out.

Today’s been one of those days for me. I was cleaning up my kitchen and became overwhelmed and sorrowful just out of the blue. Not long after that the song “Forgiven” by Sanctus Real came on the radio. It’s one of my favorite songs but I haven’t heard it in a long time. The words of the song spoke straight into my heart, so much so that I immediately searched the song on YouTube to listen again and posted it to my Facebook page. I determined in my heart, as the song says, that “when I don’t measure up to much in this life, I’m a treasure in the arms of Christ. I don’t have to carry the weight of where I’ve been, I’m forgiven.” I thought alot about people who are hurting. People who have a lot more baggage to carry around than I, and about someone in particular, wondering what kind of pain they have. After a few tears of thankfulness these feelings disappeared, as quickly as they had come.

Just as I finished washing the dishes, I realized I was still thinking about this person but mostly about how much this person has hurt me. It struck me that I should be concentrating less on what this person has done and praying for them instead. By now it was soon time for my favorite radio program, Walk in the Word, to come on which I hadn’t listened to since last week. The name of the message James MacDonald preached today is “The Burial - Making Forgiveness Final”, from the series “Have the Funeral: God’s plan for your past”. The series is about forgiving others who have hurt us and putting that pain behind us, burying the pain if you will.

Something I have been reciting to myself over the past few years has been “Well, this person hasn’t asked for forgiveness, how can I forgive them?” James says there is only one passage in Luke that admonishes to forgive those who have repented. Most of the passages regarding forgiveness make no mention of repentance. I am not responsible for this person’s repentance or lack thereof, I am simply responsible to forgive. Of course, simple is an understatement. James asks the members of his live audience to take a piece of paper and write the person, the pain and state that they are forgiven, and that it will never be read but placed in a container and actually buried - a funeral for the pain. He argues against personally verbalizing forgiveness to someone who has not asked for it, but to repent of unforgiveness to God alone, state your forgiveness and leave the rest to Him. “But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins” (Matthew 6:15).

I think I need to have a funeral.

To listen to today’s message by James MacDonald click here.

Deprived

2011-08-31T18:00:00.002-03:00

When I hear my 6-month-old laugh hysterically just because her brother threw a playing card within her line of sight… When my toddler giggles under a blanket while “hiding” from Daddy… When my 5-year-old laughs at her own silly antics… When my 8-year-old roars from the depths of his belly at the latest episode of America’s Funniest Most Videos (as he calls it)… When I am filled with joy by these precious moments, it is sometimes instantly taken away as my heart aches for those who’ve deprived themselves of these incomparable joys. It’s their child who has been deprived of life, torn limb from limb in an act so violent that we’d be hard-pressed to find another crime on earth as horrific. But they themselves have been deprived of all the love, joy and purpose that child could have given them or, if not them, another family.

When you ask for mercy, you will receive it. When you receive mercy, your mourning turns into dancing, and your weeping into joy.

Escape

2011-08-05T03:32:00.001-03:00

A friend just recommended a blog to me because according to her facebook post it “really made me think of you". From a first glance, I can see why she said that. The second post on this page by Sarah Mae addresses a criticism of her latest book 31 Days to Clean: Having a Martha House the Mary Way. If my friend who was a university roommate didn’t know back then that I need help in the cleaning department then she knows now if she’s read the blogs I’ve written about it. By the way, I’ve also blogged briefly about Mary and Martha.

The third post on Sarah Mae’s page is titled “For the lemon pound cake nights…” The author delves into the different ways we cope when need a break from the stress or disappointment or any other array of negative feelings we may have at time to time about our lives. She “escapes” with pound cake and latte at Starbucks. Ironically, my “escape” lately has been a warm or rather hot cup of coffee which is the name of this chick’s blog: likeawarmcupofcoffee.com. I made coffee earlier planning to sit and enjoy a cup while my husband finished making our late supper but I sat down instead to another of my rarely visited escapes: writing this blog. It is now nearly bedtime and I still haven’t had time to sit down to drink it. Once I’m done feeding my little baby and putting her, the last of my four darlings to bed, I’m certainly going to enjoy my escape to cafe latte land.

As I now sip satisfactorily on my roasted bean bliss, I’m feeling particularly thoughtful because Sarah Mae’s words from her lemon pound cake post have brought back memories of when I too was “coming undone for days because of how overwhelmed with life I was. I pretty much had everything I ever wanted (husband, babies, the ability to stay home, etc.), but I was drowning.” And memories of when God’s word breathed life straight into my heart. When chayah, Hebrew for “live”, became a life motto for me.

After having dealt for years with overwhelming feelings of unwarranted guilt and inadequacy I was losing my faith, not so much in God, but in my ability to ever allow God to make changes in me that would make life worth living. In the months before, God had shown me His unfailing love for me (I’ve written about that here). Despite the ways God was revealing Himself to me I still struggled with a lack of joy and purpose for living. I wasn’t suicidal per se, but I was really questioning the relevance of my existence. I was a Christian, yet I was extremely unhappy, and I couldn’t understand why God would put me on this earth to live in such misery. Since as long as I could remember I wondered why I was born, and as Job did, I cursed the day I was. One particularly frustrating day I was in my bathroom freaking out. I don’t know why the bathroom but that’s where I was. Crying out to God for help and asking Him to reveal His word to me I began to read my Bible. I simply opened up to Ezekiel where I had previously left off reading.* I began to read Ezekiel 16 and the words echoed the wretchedness that I felt:

On the day you were born your cord was not cut, nor were you washed with water to make you clean, nor were you rubbed with salt or wrapped in cloths. No one looked on you with pity or had compassion enough to do any of these things for you. Rather, you were thrown out into the open field, for on the day you were born you were despised. (vs 4, 5)

Reading this now I realize how awful that sounds but that was how I felt. I felt like that little baby, alone, uncared for and unloved; despised and helpless; abandoned and hopeless. I kept reading . . .

Then I passed by and saw you kicking about in your blood, and as you lay there in your blood I said to you, “Live!” (vs 6)

Imagine that one word Live coming off the page and becoming larger and larger. That is what I saw. Live left that precious book and became imprinted on my mind. In that one word I felt God saying to me “Live! I want you on this earth. I put you on this earth. I want you alive and not just to breathe and exist but to be content and to be fulfilled. Don’t just survive, live in wholeness, in the completeness that I’ve planned for you.” He then promised me in His word:

I made you grow like a plant of the field. You grew and developed and became the most beautiful of jewels. (vs 7)

What else can I say? That moment, that “Chayah!” moment was the most impactful moment of my life. It’s why I chose to name my 3rd daughter Chayah. At 5 months pregnant we had yet to choose a girl’s name. After watching the movie Defiance, I was enthralled by the name of one of the characters, Chaya, which in it’s Hebrew guttural pronunciation sounds like “kHy-yah”. Out of curiosity I looked up the word in my Hebrew-English dictionary and was amazed that it meant “live".” I told my husband I didn’t care how we pronounced it but if she were a girl her name had to be some variation of Chayah (we later chose to soften the kh sound to sh). The next day I was scheduled for an ultrasound at the children’s hospital to confirm whether or not the first ultrasound at my local hospital was correct in a diagnosis of fluid around her heart. Thankfully it was incorrect and we were able to find out that we were having a little girl. That evening, once again out of “curiosity” I looked up the Hebrew word that was used in that passage from Ezekiel. Sure enough it was chayah. The one word that God spoke in a book filled with lengthy monologues was “Chayah!” I believe God gave me the name for my little girl as a reminder of the way He wants me to Live!

Obviously, life isn’t always peaches and cream (or coffee and cream), but I’ve never sunk to the lows I felt then. I still need to escape to the quiet place with my Savior sometimes to maintain my sanity but He’s taught me that I’m worth it, life is worth it and to work harder to truly Live. Now that my cuppa Joe is done and it’s way past my bed time, I look ahead to my next chance to escape. Maybe next time with a good book. Say, 31 Days to Clean?

* In my quest to read the Bible from cover to cover I placed a stroke beside each verse as I read it. Ezekiel 16 had not been stroked so I assumed that was where I had been reading in the days before. I later realized that I had not left off reading at Ezekiel 16 but actually had been reading about 5 chapters ahead according to the strokes I had made. I believe God allowed me to skip those chapters in the past because He knew that I would need to go back to read them precisely when I did.

Modern Conveniences

2011-07-23T15:32:00.001-03:00

I’ve been without an oven for about a month now. The element in my oven went and despite mine and my husband’s efforts, so far we haven’t been able to find a new one to fit. The oven went the night that my husband went away for vacation with my 2 oldest kids (along with the leaky pipe in the basement and my washer while he was away-grrr). I was fine without an oven for just me and my babies but when he got home he took the element out altogether and now I can’t even use my stovetop without tripping a breaker. As per my last post, I love my George Foreman grill and have been getting along okay with just that and the BBQ. However, it’s been getting a little tricky without the stovetop. Here’s some pics of the adventure I had trying a fantastic recipe from fellow blogger, and Newfie, Barry Parsons from Rock Recipes. I did make some changes to the recipe for taste such as using only 1/3 of ginger, a smidgen of crushed chillies, and substituting seasoning salt for five spice. I also don’t keep peanut oil on hand so I used canola instead. My husband thought it was phenomenal commenting “If this was in a restaurant, this would be my favorite thing to order.” It’s Crispy Honey Orange Pork Medallions with brown rice and egg rolls. I’ve tried orange-based Asian recipes before with very little luck, but this one looked so good and it’s turned out to be a winner.

George Foreman Grill, electric fondue pot, and the good old microwave

The finished product!

I started the sauce in my fondue pot while I prepared the pork. Fried the pork in the baking pan on the George Foreman. Meanwhile thawed the egg rolls in the microwave, and boiled some water in the electric kettle. Once the pork was ready and added to the sauce, I switched up to the grill plate and baked the eggrolls while finishing the rice with the boiled water in the microwave! Whew that was a mouthful. Despite the result of my last three blogs, I don’t intend on turning this blog into a foodie blog but I really do love cooking. I have a few other ideas for things to blog about but the food has been topping them all lately!

Homemade Hummus with My Make-It-Easy Appliances

2011-05-02T18:09:00.001-03:00

My family and I have been eating alot of hummus lately and on my last trip to the grocery store I decided to pick up a can of chickpeas and make the stuff myself. The first time I ate homemade hummus it was made by my very close friend (probably the nicest person I will ever meet in my life). She LOVES garlic, and that’s probably an understatement so I’m sure she made hers with 6 or 7 cloves of raw garlic which was a little too potent for me. The recipes I’ve looked at call for 2 or 3, so I used 3, and I roasted them for a milder taste.

In the last few years I’ve stocked my kitchen with any appliance that makes cooking and food preparation easier. My latest addition, the G5 George Foreman Grill, has proved to be as useful as it claims. There are 5 plates but 2 of them are used for making waffles so it really only has 4 different functions. My husband bought it for me almost 1/2 price at Christmastime, as well as a new Magic Bullet on sale. Good ole Canadian Tire. I find the only problem I have with my new grill is getting used to using it instead of say, turning on the oven. I was going to roast sesame seeds in the oven for homemade tahini paste and to roast the garlic but caught myself before I’d wasted all that energy pre-heating my oven. The reason I needed a new Bullet was because the plastic mechanism that turns the blades on my old one had cracked. I know other people this has happened to and my hummus making friend says the trick is to unplug the Bullet when you are using it in “Lock On” mode instead of trying to unlock it. This is as technical as I can get when trying to describe this problem so if you have a more valuable description to offer, please do! So far it seems like the unplugging thing is working but if this Bullet breaks prematurely (like barely a year of use like the last one), I will not be buying a Magic Bullet brand blender/food processor again. In general however I love my Bullet and use it very often. A silicone spatula works great to scrape sticky food from the cup. They really should include one with the Bullet actually.

I turned the grill on high (or 3) and heated it up. I peeled and cut 3 cloves of garlic, placed them on one side on the baking plate and drizzled them lightly with olive oil. I might use more than 3 next time or try them raw because I could do with more garlic flavor. I also minced 4 cloves of garlic in the Bullet and sauteed it in olive oil to top the hummus. I sprinkled the sesame seeds on the other side of the plate then I closed the grill, turned it down 1 and set the timer to 5 minutes. I’ve never roasted sesame seeds before and the recipes I looked up range from 5 to 15 minutes in the oven but all agreed to not brown them as it creates a bitter taste. I figured 5 minutes with grill closed should do and a few of the seeds were starting to brown so I think that was just about right.

Tahini (sesame) paste is basically roasted sesame seeds made into a paste with oil. Some recipes call for sesame oil (Chinese) while others call for olive oil (Greek). I have both so I thought I’d use both. Most recipes online are for making a huge amount of tahini paste but I found a recipe for just about the right amount for my hummus recipe. I used a recipe for hummus from my Magic Bullet 10 Second Recipes book with a little tweaking. I almost never use a recipe exactly as it’s written. I’m a tweaker. For instance, I found the 2 tablespoons of liquid called for in the hummus recipe was not nearly enough to blend the ingredients in the Bullet, and I ended up using 5 tablespoons or 1/3 cup. I admit this could have been due to the fact that I used the small cup instead of the tall cup that was recommended but anyways the hummus turned out great and as I mentioned, I think the only thing I will change next time is adding more or raw garlic. Here’s the recipe:

Tahini Paste

2 tbsp. roasted sesame seeds
1 tsp. sesame oil
2 tsp. olive oil
1/4 teaspoon salt

Place sesame seeds, oil and salt in Magic Bullet, blender or food processor and grind until smooth. If using a blender or food processor you may need to add up to 2 tablespoons of warm water.

Hummus

1 cup canned chickpeas (garbanzo beans), drained, reserving liquid
1/3 cup of liquid from chickpeas or chicken stock
3 cloves garlic, roasted or raw
1 tbsp. lemon juice
2 tbsp. tahini paste (or all of homemade tahini paste)

Add all ingredients into the Tall Cup of the Magic Bullet or a food processor. Twist on the cross blade for the Magic Bullet and blend until smooth. The traditional way to serve is to pour the hummus into a bowl and drizzle it with olive oil, then sprinkle the top with paprika. May also be topped with minced sauteed garlic, or bottled garlic. Serve hummus with toasted pita triangles.

Toasted Pita Triangles

whole-wheat pocket pitas (approx. 1/2 pita per person)
olive oil
garlic powder

Pre-heat oven to 450 deg F. Using kitchen scissors, cut pitas into triangles and place on cookie sheet. Drizzle with olive oil and lightly sprinkle with garlic powder. Bake for 5 minutes. For crispier “pita chips”, open up pita pocket by cutting around the circumference of the pita to make 2 thin slices. Separate slices before cutting into triangles.

For original hummus recipe (larger serving), click here.

For original tahini paste recipe, click here.

Chili Lime Shrimp

2011-04-21T19:35:00.002-03:00

I brought this to a party a few weeks ago and a friend asked me to send her the recipe so I thought I’d just as well add it here too.

-Olive (or cooking) oil 1/4 cup 60 mL
-Liquid honey 3 tbsp. 50 mL
-BBQ sauce (or sweet chili sauce for more heat) 1/4 cup 60 mL
-Lime juice 1/4 cup 60 mL
-Dried parsley 1 1/2 tbsp. 25 mL
-Onion powder 1/2 tsp. 2.5 mL
-Garlic powder 1/4 tsp. 1.25 mL
-Salt 1 tsp. 5 mL
-Dried crushed chilies 1/2 tsp. 2.5 mL (or more for extra heat)
-Raw jumbo shrimp, peeled and deveined, 2 1/4 lbs. 1 kg tails intact or frozen, cooked shrimp small bag (approx. 300g or 30 ct.)
-Bamboo skewers, 4 inch (10 cm) length, 25 - 30 25 - 30 soaked in water for 10 minutes

Thaw shrimp if frozen.

Combine first 10 ingredients in large bowl.

Add shrimp to marinade. Stir to coat. Cover. Marinate in refrigerator for 3 hours, turning several times. May marinade for less but flavours are better if left longer. Remove shrimp. For raw shrimp, pour marinade into small saucepan and bring to a boil for 5 minutes. For cooked shrimp may use marinade without boiling.

BBQ:
Thread shrimp lengthwise onto skewers, starting at head end. Or if not using skewers, place in grill basket or grill skillet with small enough holes to not lose shrimp through. Grill shrimp for 2 minutes per side, brushing with marinade several times. Raw shrimp should be cooked until pink.

Oven:
Place shrimp, skewered or not, on broil pan or ungreased baking sheet. Broil on top rack about 2 minutes per side, basting with marinade several times, until raw shrimp are pink.

1 appetizer: 72 Calories; 1.9 g Total Fat; 150 mg Sodium; 8 g Protein; 4 g Carbohydrate; trace Dietary Fibre

Original recipe from Company's Coming Most Loved Appetizers cook book. You can view it online here.

Where it went

2011-04-08T01:10:00.001-03:00

So I’ve been hemming and hawing about what to write for a few weeks now: “March Break on the Cheap”? “Our New Life with Baby #4”? “Battling Chronic Disorganization”? In short, I’ve had alot of things on my mind. I think I’ll just start and see where it goes.

Tonight I sit with a little rascal sprawled on her belly across my lap. My newest little one has been a great sleeper this past week. She’ll usually take 4-5 hour stretches of sleep at night but the problem is if she’s had a late nap, she’s wide awake until midnight or so, like she is tonight. Once she settles, I head to bed too ‘cause I can be assured she’ll let me have a good stretch of sleep. My first two children slept through the night at around two months old so I’m crossing my fingers for this one.

Things are busy here at this house, and mostly very noisy. It’s a close competition between the fighting and screaming of a seven and five year old, and the dual-crying fits of the babies. My big baby as I call her, is soon to be two but she still has a lot of baby tendencies of course. She is also so busy it never ceases to amaze me. There’s a saying I’ve coined: “When you have a toddler and you feel like you’re losing your mind, you are not losing your mind, you just have a toddler.” I realized this when my second child hit the toddler age. I had thought I was just going through a particularly rough time emotionally when my first child was a toddler (which was the problem in part) but much of it was just the fact that that age is a really rough age on Mama and baby. Toddler’s can be so emotionally labile, disobedient, and absolutely into EVERYTHING. It’s kind of deceiving in that they are little older so you tend to let them have a little more freedom because you aren’t worried about them as much. However, that backfires because before you know it the toilet is clogged with a children’s board book (my son) or the Vaseline you didn’t put away after the last living room diaper change is all over their face (my first daughter) or the make-up concealor that was neatly tucked away in your drawer is suddenly all over your bathroom sink (my current mess maker). My toddling terror of late is a big climber which makes things twice as difficult. She doesn’t just find some mess to get into, she goes looking for it. Such as going through our vanity drawer to find my make-up, getting a stool to climb up onto the vanity, proceeding to color her face and the sink with a full tube of concealor, and at sometime during her make-up coloring, using a bar of soap to decorate the vanity mirror. Where were Dad and I you ask? Obviously relaxing a little too much. Then again these shenanigans can happen in a matter of minutes, and just when it clicks with you that your little one is just a little too quiet, you smack yourself in the head because you know that just means trouble.

So that really kinda covers life with our new baby. She isn’t much work at all. Well she’s work of course, nursing every two or three hours, diaper changes and occasional fussiness is work enough but it’s easy work. It’s trying to take care of everything else around caring for her too that’s the hard part. Just when I get to work at one task, someone is hungry or ready for a nap or needs a diaper change or wants to play a game and believe me once I’ve been distracted it is so hard for me to get back on track. I mentioned last time that my Mom came to stay with us during the last couple of months of my pregnancy. It was an answer to a prayer for me really that I’m not sure I really prayed for. I had often said to myself, “I just wish I had Mom or somebody come to stay with me and show me how to keep things organized.” I don't know if I ever really put that wish God-ward but having Mom here gave me a reality check of what I need to do to keep my home and ultimately my life in order. Don’t get me wrong, I will never be the domestic goddess my Mom is; I don’t where she gets her energy! But the experience has given me the motivation to do better. Those of you out there who aren’t messies may not understand why these seemingly common sense tasks are so overwhelmingly brain boggling for me but I dunno, you just have to be in my shoes. I don’t think time and time management computes with me the way it does to most people. My Dad’s nicknames for me since childhood have been “Speedy Gonsalez,” a sarcastic moniker from some 50’s tv show I suppose (I should ask him about that) and the more literal “Slow Poke”. So has tardiness and disorganization been something that has slowly crept up on me as I added more people to my family like it has for many busy moms? Nope, not at all. I’m glad to say that it hasn’t really gotten worse, but I always seem to lose 10 minutes somewhere along the way that makes me late, as a single person and now as mom of four.

Speaking of the angel who gave me that wonderful title, I think she is finally settling for sleep and it’s time for me too. Keep stailing.

Baby, baby, baby ohh…

2011-03-15T21:37:00.001-03:00

Let’s get to the big news. On my last blog we were praising God for our little baby’s un-arrival. Thankfully and miraculously my pregnancy progressed on as normal (well as normal as pregnancy can be) until the last week and a half. I came in on a Tuesday for an appointment with my obstetrician. When the baby was being monitored for heart rate, it was found that the heart rate was dipping. It wasn’t anything immediately serious but an indication (or a red flag as my doctor called it) that the baby could be in trouble in the future. The doctor concluded I should have an immediate induction. I was very, very sceptical because inductions often do not work and can lead to other complications including the need for a c-section. He talked me through it and of course, the odd chance that I would need a c-section was not worth risking putting my baby in any more danger.

I left the doctor’s office, went to Wal-mart to pick up a few last minute things, and drove home to get ready to go back to the hospital. I arrived back at the hospital around 6pm and the induction probably started about 7pm. The doctor estimated about 6 hours and labor would have started. Well it didn’t. I would feel some hard cramps when I walked around but they would subside when I laid down and on top of that I had a vicious headache. With the headache and little contractions keeping me awake I decided I would ask for some Demerol so I could have a decent night’s sleep and try again in the morning. The nurse had to check me before administering medication and I guess that got things working because the contractions then started around 2:15 am.

Labor kicked in after that and by 5:45pm the Demerol had worn off and I had virtually no pain control only a little nitro gas. I asked the nurse to get me some Demerol a little early and of course she had to check me again. I was about 3-4 cms dilated at the time. And once again, that kicked things into high gear. Demerol hadn’t started to work yet so I used the gas to control my breathing. Within 15-20 minutes I was ready to deliver my baby. But there were two big problems: firstly, the doctor wasn’t “on the premises” as my nurse so politely put it. The nurses would have been perfectly ready to deliver the baby but the second problem was that he was necessary to be there if we were to collect my baby’s umbilical cord blood. For more information about that click on the link at the bottom of this blog.

So here I was ready to push, and couldn’t. What an awful feeling. It was only a matter of minutes but it seemed like forever to me. I started to push as soon as he came in the door and moments later baby girl Jordan was born at 6:27 am. And she was in trouble. Her umbilical cord had been tightly wrapped around her neck, but thankfully this didn’t cause any problems.

She’s such a precious addition to our family. I believe she’s the most content baby we’ve had. It’s hard work keeping her 21 month old sister from picking at her but we’re learning to balance life with our 4 little ones. My mom came to stay with us way back when my water broke and she just went home today so it will be interesting to see how I cope with out “da Momma” around to help. My mom hadn’t been able to be present for any of my other deliveries so I wanted her to be here for this one as it will be our last. If I had any doubt about whether I wanted more children, it would have been erased during this pregnancy because I had so much pain the last 3 months. In all 3 of my previous pregnancies I had muscle pain under my ribs on the right side. With each pregnancy it got worse and proceeded to my back and other side. I was in nearly constant pain from about 25 weeks on. Sometimes it was bearable, other times I could do nothing but lie on the couch. It was the reason I haven’t blogged since then; I couldn’t sit up to a computer long enough to write more than a few minutes without pain. Even though we didn’t have the baby early like we thought, I am so glad my mom came to stay with me for the last 2 months because it made things so much easier. Thanks Mom, I miss you already!!!

Broken Waters but no Broken Dreams

2011-01-12T21:55:00.001-04:00

Thanks everyone for your concern. God has done a true miracle for me and this baby. My water broke at 11pm. last night. I know it was; this is my 4th preg. after all. I went to the hospital, the strip was a "strong positive" for amniotic fluid, and an internal swab and slide was positive as well as visual seeping of fluid seen by the doctor. I was having mild contractions at this time similar to hard Braxton Hicks. As well, it was obvious by just looking and touching my belly that it has gotten smaller. I was sent to the children’s hospital in the city by ambulance. Fortunately labor didn't start, but the doctors were anticipating I would have the baby within a few days or a week. A couple weeks if I was lucky. When I went for an ultrasound in the morning the sonographer said the Amnio. fluid was normal. The same tests that were done in my hometown were also negative for ruptured membranes. Finally, a new and supposedly definitive test was done and it too was negative for amnio. fluid. With that, the doctors in Halifax decided my water hadn't broken at all and discharged me. Of course myself and my OBS in know better. I spoke with him on the phone and he said my waters were definitely ruptured. Perhaps the break was high in the sac and healed but I know it had to be God's healing power. There is no other explanation. My grandmother spent the whole day yesterday (before any of this happened) in prayer, and travail with groans that only the Spirit knows, and I believe it was hers and the prayers of our family and friends that caused the sac to seal up and the baby to be safely tucked in my belly where he or she belongs! Thanks again everyone for your thoughts and prayers and I will be home tomorrow hopefully.

My son is happy

2010-11-11T11:39:00.001-04:00

My response/comment to a blog that went viral last week "My son is gay" from nerdyapplebottom.com. This mom will probably never read the comment because there's probably been thousands of comments left on her blog. I read this article last week when a friend messaged me the link on Facebook; saw it on my MSN page a few days ago; decided I wasn't going to comment; but woke up this morning with it on my mind for some reason. I've read a little about this issue lately so here are my thoughts:

You seem to be fine with the fact that your child may or may not be gay. I believe that right now your child is not gay. No matter how much the media and pro-gay groups try to emphasize it, there is absolutely no proof that we are born gay. It does seem that some children have more of an affinity for things that are generally considered appropriate for the opposite sex and some girls appear physically to be more masculine, and some boys more effeminate.

I think as parents we should do our best to encourage our girls to accept and embrace their femininity, and our boys to do the same for their masculinity. Even at a young age. If we notice our son seems to be drawn to activities that girls are stereotypically drawn to (ie. ballet, gymnastics), it does not mean that we should totally shoot the child’s interests down, but that we could also introduce activities that are considered more masculine. Maybe our son could be a beautiful ballet dancer, and is not that great or interested in basketball, but let’s introduce another activity such as Scouts to have the boy well-rounded. Maybe he could also share an interest in nature and the outdoors, while interacting with boys his own age and developing positive male friendships. I can’t quote a research article but I’ve read on numerous occasions that children who turn out to be gay often develop a sense of inferiority to those of the same sex, and even look to older or more typically masculine boys as idols of the masculinity that they feel they are lacking. Maybe his school friends will make fun of his ballet abilities, but his Scout mates will see a different side of him, encouraging him that he can develop positive relationships with other males where he doesn’t feel inferior.

I guess my main concern is that no matter how much homosexuality is being “normalized” in our society, the fact remains that gay teens and adults have greater incidence of depression, suicide, guilt, feelings of loss for a normal nuclear family etc etc the list goes on. Why would we want to encourage our children to embrace that?

As a last note, I find it so funny that you found it offensive that the Christian women at your Christian pre-school were offended by your child’s outfit. They perhaps could have been a little more tactful (ie not talk about it in front of your child) but it’s a CHRISTIAN pre-school. Christians in general do not believe cross-dressing, homosexuality, etc are normal human behaviors. Would you have been offended by a Muslim school finding it shocking that your teenage daughter came to school without a burka? Would you spend time in a nudist/naturalist resort and be offended if someone asked you why you were wearing clothes? Would you be offended if a mothers at a Jewish school looked at you funny walking into school munching on a leg of ham? If you have a problem with the religious attitudes/beliefs of your school then you should look elsewhere. That being said, there is nothing wrong with addressing that mom in private and expressing your anger at her talking to you that way in front of your son. The mom who was standing there in dismay I’m sure was unaware of her actions, but the talking mom should have known better.

Benvenuta Bella! Welcome Beautiful!

2010-11-07T20:45:00.011-04:00

We've a new beauty in our home, the lovely Bella. My husband and I have been talking about getting another dog for a few months now: "Oh, when we move"... or "When we get a bigger house." He showed me Bella on online and I just couldn't get her off my mind. She's supposed to be a Shepherd mix and I'm not really a big dog person but she looked so much like my husband's old dog that I was just sure he would love her. He wasn't really serious about

getting her but I just really wanted to see what she was like.

I wouldn't dare take a grown dog without bringing her home first to see how she was with the kids and our other dog, so I arranged to have her come for the evening last night and she's been with us ever since. I expect her former owner will want to take her back at least to say goodbye, but it seems like she’s ours! She is so great with the kids and comes from a family with two children, one being a one-year-old which is nice that she’s used to babies. She also doesn’t give two hoots about our dog Sam. Sam can be aggressive to other dogs especially ones that are vying for my husband’s attention. He’s very protective and doesn’t like Bella to go near my two daughters. He’s not so protective of my son, but that’s probably because he’s bigger.

We love Sam but he isn’t the most easy going dog. He’s great with the kids which we are so grateful for and is really the most important thing when you have pets and children but he runs away the first chance he can. He’ll come back for my husband sometimes if he’s already had a little run, but he barely ever listens to me. We have 3 acres of land so he loves to explore it and he never runs more than 1/2 km from the house but he’s a car chaser and we’re so afraid he’s going to get hit. We’ve considered the electric fence but keep saying we’ll get it for our new home. Mind you we’ve been talking about moving for 2 years now and we’re still here.

Sam will also get into garbage, compost etc but if we specifically say “No” then he’s pretty good to listen. He used to have a disgusting habit of eating our daughter’s dirty diapers but he’s kinda gotten out of that now that he’s older. When he was a younger, I’m not sure if he was a puppy or maybe over a year old, our glass outdoor table blew over and broke and no word of a lie, he ate the broken glass. It’s the kind of glass that doesn’t shard, but it was still like eating sharp rocks. It’s amazing he’s still around really. He jumped out of our car window while we were driving 100 km an hour and got away with just some road rash. I was holding him in my lap, and looking back I think if I hadn’t been holding the leash or had let go immediately, he might have gone straight under the car tires and well, he might not be here. He also does many other annoying things like scratch at the door to get in even though he knows that I won’t let him in unless he barks. I’ve trained him to do bark on command but he reverts to his instinctual scratching. What is with that anyways? Why do so many dogs scratch to get in? He’s a good boy though for the most part.

Bella seems like she’s much more laid back. She’s also more cuddly and affectionate. With Sam if you try to rub him down or scratch him he just gets all excited and wants to lick you or play or get in your face. Bella will gently put her head on your lap and snuggle in. She’s even done this with my son who was tickled pick with that because even though Sam will play and is good with the kids he’s just not that kind of dog. I feel bad for him because he’s getting a lot of scolding for growling at Bella and I’m sure he feels so threatened right now but I know he’ll get over it. He was the same way with my sister-in-law’s dog and now they are the best of buddies. Right now he’s preoccupied with some perceived threat outside and he’s hasn’t growled or bothered with Belle since they came in from their nighttime potty. I think it’s because the outside light which usually only comes on by motion sensor is set to stay on and he’s really smart, he probably thinks there is something out there to make it turn on. I should turn it off and see what he does.

Ha ha just what I thought. He spent a few more minutes looking out the window, then moseyed on down the hall to his bed, ohh, back for one more look, and gone again. He’s just too smart and that’s what frustrating about him, he knows when he is doing wrong but chooses to do it anyways :). Like us all at times I guess.

Bella seems to like to lie down next to wherever you are and that’s what she’s doing right now. Sam has finally decided there really is nothing outside and has gone to flake out on the couch. Me? I’m going to bed, Char out.

Happy Devil’s Night!

2010-11-01T00:49:00.003-03:00

Halloween is an ambiguous event in our home. We haven’t really trick or treated with our kids. In fact, my husband has never trick or treated at all, ever, in his whole life. His family and upbringing, although not much more conservative then mine, was deadset against Halloween (pardon the unintentional pun:). They went out every Halloween night to go swimming and to Pizza Hut. However as a child I thoroughly enjoyed celebrating Halloween. My siblings and I loved drawing and cutting out pumpkins and white ghosts to pin on our windows in the weeks before Halloween. It was simple then. None of this over-decorating, orange Christmas lights stuff. I enjoyed the trick or treating but the part I remember as the most fun was creating a costume and getting all done up for the night. I don’t actually ever remember having a store-bought costume. We created our own with maybe some Halloween make-up and spray-in hair dye as a treat. My brother and our neighbour once went as a garbage man and garbage bag; my brother wrapped up in a black bag and our friend in raggedy, dirty clothes. How simple and hilarious is that?

As an adult, even before meeting my husband, I began to question my inclination towards Halloween. Should I as a Christian, dedicated to glorifying God, participate in an event that is so obviously glorifying “the dark side”? I know some of the history surrounding Halloween pertains to early Christians but before that it revolved around the pagan tradition of trying to ward off evil spirits and the dead that were to be roaming the earth in the last few days of October. Other pagan traditions will state that there was no fear of these spirits but that it was a time to honor and communicate with dead loved ones. Whatever the case, when Christianity came to the Celts, it sought to eliminate this obsession with the dead, and finding it hard to stamp out all pagan traditions, incorporated it as a time to recognize saints who had passed, without idolizin or fearing them.

But as we all know, both the pagan and Christian traditions of honoring our loved ones are long gone in general society. Every year there are more homes decorated with dark and gruesome images inciting both fear, and glorification of everything deathly, evil, and hellish. But it’s all in good fun, right? Well, that is the question that I am still ambiguous about. I don’t watch movies or TV shows that give any credence to outright satanic or occult practices, but I still don’t mind sitting through a scattered vampire movie (The Twilight series excluded, I refuse to jump on that bandwagon) or the latest werewolf rendition. Are the witches and vampires, ghosts and zombies of Halloween simply scary fairytales or is it a guise for a night that is offered up solely to glorify Satan and his evil ways? Pagans will note that Christianity has simply added their own holidays to ancient pagan feasts generally occurring around the solstices. Christmas? Maybe so as there is no real mention of Jesus’ birthdate in the Bible, but Easter is after Passover so that happens to follow Jewish feasts. There are arguments that modern Easter traditions are steeped in ancient pagan ones (i. e. rabbits symbolizing fertility, etc.) but that’s a whole other blog. Back to Halloween, it is quite obvious that it no longer has any ties to Christianity and is there any real reason to celebrate it, particularly, the dark, devilish side of it?

I mentioned earlier that we haven’t “really” trick or treated with our kids. By “really” I mean that we haven’t done the door to door thing. We do dress up every year and attend our church’s Light the Night party and sometimes before we go, we might visit our neighbors and friends, but we don’t make a big deal out of it. The Light the Night party is always lots of fun for the kids and adults where everyone dresses up in non-scary costumes, plays games, watches the latest Veggietales movie and goes home with a bag of treats. It’s sorta celebrating Halloween, but with a lighter twist on it. One thing I’ve noticed about Light the Night that differs from typical Halloween celebrations is that it seems when kids outgrow the superhero and princess costume stage they turn to the witches, devils, and zombies costumes. (I keep starting to spell customs instead of costumes, it’s so annoying :). Whereas at church it seems like there are more creative ideas like tonight’s Anne of Green Gables by a little girl from our church who has long beautiful auburn, not red, auburn hair, porcelain skin, and the slightest sprinkle of freckles across her cheeks. Her mom didn’t have to do much dressing up at all, just a period dress, straw hat and braids. It was so cute. There was also a Dorothy from Wizard of Oz and a little guy dressed as a French (or Italian) chef. Maybe I’m biased but I didn’t see any of those kinds of cust… there I go, I did it again… costumes at my son’s cub scouts Halloween party. I’m not too biased to admit that it could just be the specification for non-scary costumes at Light the Night and not the parents’ conscious decision to dress their kids in less otherworldly get up, but whatever the motivation it makes for an interesting and lovely group of costumed kids.

I guess the real reason this is on my mind tonight is because for the first time my husband decided we should take the kids trick or treating. I was actually feeling a little guilty all week for even celebrating Light the Night on a Sunday and didn’t know how I felt about trick or treating. I do have somewhat of a respectful obligation to my in-laws who would be hurt if we participated so openly in Halloween but as I’ve said, I also still have my own confusion regarding the matter. I just read a Bible verse from Romans that says “I want you to wise about what is good, and innocent about what is evil” (16:19). That’s exactly what I want for my children. My husband just kinda wants to have the experience-more for himself than the kids hahaha. As it turns out, he had to work a night shift at 6pm and we didn’t get home until 5:30pm (we had an early Light the Night this year to accommodate church services), so we didn’t go trick or treating. Next year? Who knows? I have a whole 365 days to think and pray about it, and other ways I should flee even the appearance of evil in my life (1 Thess. 5:22).

The promise was when everything fell, we'd be held.

2010-10-15T03:27:00.010-03:00

Below is an excerpt from an old blog I no longer maintain that I wrote, hmm, Sept. 2007. There are also excerpts from my journal at the time. It explains some changes that God made in my life that I alluded to here. I thought it would be nice to post what I wrote and felt then, as opposed to my perspective of it now. I like how when I re-read it, I can feel the passion I felt then, and remember how the words flowed from my heart.

There's more to this story and I may add to it in the future, but here's a start. The lyric "the sacred is torn from your life," was how I felt. I felt as if nothing was sacred anymore. Nothing held joy or wonder or life. And God changed that for me.

Journal: "My friend, who lost her unborn baby at 21 weeks plays a song, which I've heard many times before but never really grasped, on her website in memory of her baby. The song "Held" by Natalie Grant came on the radio online so I decided to look up the lyrics and ended up listening to the song again.

I went about my chores and as I listened I felt such a relief and wept tears I haven't been able to weep probably in years. Tears of overwhelming awe that God loves me and He holds me in His hands. Some of the lyrics go like this: 'This is what is means to be held and to know that when the sacred is torn from your life, and you survive...This is what it is to be loved and to know that the promise was when everything fell, we'd be held'. So, I'm listening to this and feeling God tell me that no matter what I've been or am going to be or going to go through He has and always will hold me. I honestly cannot remember the last time I felt so loved by God, which is precisely the theme of yesterday's chapter [in Believing God by Beth Moore]."

Old Blog: "I want to post lyrics to a song that has been such a strength for me. Not simply because it is a beautiful song but because God spoke to me through it and some other avenues (such as the book Believing God) a few months back, and I am nearly daily remembering it's promise and His word. He's continued since then in less subtle, yet undeniable ways, to draw me closer to His Heart although I have so far to go.

I had heard this song many times before. Had listened and sobbed as I read a friend's Piczo tribute to her lost son. But one particular day as I was listening to it (while cleaning out underneath my loveseat :), God really spoke to me through it. Two weeks later to the day, He affirmed it's message to me again by reading a chapter of Believing God that spoke of His unfailing love, how He never lets us fall. Basically His Word was this:

God is Love.
Love never Fails, therefore,
God never Fails.

Seems pretty simple, doesn't it? Well, the intricies are this. The word fail translated from Greek doesn't have the same connotation that we assume for the word fail. The Greek word translated from the verse 'Love does not fail' really means 'does not allow to fall to the ground'. So how does something not fall to the ground? It is held, by a hand, an arm, a piece of wood... whatever the case, love does not fall to the ground. When someone makes a mistake (they fail) it can be described as 'falling flat on your face'. You can love someone, make a mistake and trip, but you won't fall flat on your face because God has said, that loving in His name never fails; you, nor your love, can never fall to the ground. Remember that when you are loving someone who is hard to love at times! God doesn't let that love fall to the ground. It is stored up in heaven and someday you will receive that love back and infinite times more when you see the face of Jesus and all the love you could not even imagine gazes at your face as if you were the most beautiful thing He has ever seen. And you are.

God is love.
God loves us.
Love never fails, therefore
God never fails and
God does not allow us, whom He loves, to ever fall to the ground. We are constantly held in His hands. Our circumstances fall to the ground, our egos, our incomes, our youth, our health, our minds; they can all fall, but we are held. And because we are held, we are safe, and we have strength. We may not have enough strength to lift our heads, or get out of bed, but because we are held, we are given the strength to never, ever fall to the ground. 'This is what it means to be held. How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life and you survive. This is what it means to be loved and to know that the promise was when everything fell, we'd be held'. "

Get your hands on this song. It's simply, I don't even know the word, I'd have to look it up in a thesaurus.

Held
by Natalie Grant, Written by Christa Wells

Two months is too little
They let him go
They had no
sudden healing

To think that providence would
take a child from his mother while she prays
is appalling

Who told us we'd be rescued?
What has changed and why should we be saved
from nightmares?

We're asking why this happens
to us who have died to live
It's unfair

This is what it means to be held
How it feels
when the sacred is torn from your life
and you survive

This is what it is to be loved
and to know
that the promise was when everything fell,
we'd be held

This hand is bitterness
We want to taste it and let the hatred numb
our sorrows

The Wise Hand opens slowly
to lilies of the valley and
tomorrow

If hope is born of suffering?
If this is only the beginning?
Can we not wait for one hour
watching for our Savior?

This is what it means to be held
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
and you survive

This is what it is to be loved
and to know
that the promise was that when everything fell,
we'd be held

A blog about, my blog

2010-10-04T02:47:00.001-03:00

Soooooo…. as you can seeeeee….. (if you’ve visited before) I’ve updated the look! Something I’ve wanted to do since almost immediately after I initially designed my site and Blogger came out with a new fancy, shmancy “Template Designer” that had much nicer, more customizable templates. But alas, as it takes me forever to decide on backgrounds and colors and whatnot, I delayed redesigning it until this past week. And I should have delayed longer because I have my husband’s entire family (and I mean full immediate family-7 in all, 12 including us) coming to visit in a few days and I have a ton of cleaning to do, but what else is new? Did I mention I have 3 kids, a 3 bedroom bungalow and nowhere to put these people except in our travel trailer. But my in-laws are seriously the best, and so easy to please, so it’s all good.

I hope you like the new look. I liked the green before, but it didn’t really say what I wanted the blog to say. I found this picture online (don’t worry, I’ve sought permission to use it), and thought it was really appropriate even though I was trying to stay away from photos as backgrounds and wanted a little more color than black and white. I think the pink tones add a nice touch, even though I try to stay from pink too because it’s just so girly. But I have to admit, I like pink. When you have 2 daughters, it’s hard not to.

Back to the photograph. I was going to add a caption but thought photography, as an art, shouldn’t have captions (unless it’s incredibly abstract) and should say whatever the person viewing thinks it says. So here’s my question? What does this photo (to the right, if you’re confused) say to you? Leave a comment below and let me know what you think. I had a friend say she tried to leave a comment the other day but had to have a Google account in order to do so. If you neither have, nor want a Google account, then comment on Facebook (if you linked from there), or email me at stailingblog@gmail.com. I’ll then post your comments on here for you! Won’t that be fun?!?

So there’s this daddy blog at www.danoah.com that’s been up since July, 2010, and it’s already gone viral in September with a blog about his experiences of rude questions asked about his adopted son of another race. I got the link from, well, a friend on Facebook who has adopted children of another race (wonderful family). Good for you danoah.com but what is up with that? How come I can’t go viral? or even just a little stuffy with maybe a touch of the runny nose? (drum roll anyone?) Who came up with the term viral anyways? I would settle for my site to come up on the first 50 pages of Google when I search “stailing” but nope, not yet. Anyhoo, not having the internet savvy to create my own URL might be something to do with it (but I’m still appreciative Blogger). Or maybe my life is just not as interesting as recently single dads of adopted mixed race sons. Or maybe I’m just little old me up here in little old Canada (comparatively in population to the US). Goodness knows there are thousands, if not closer to millions of mommy blogs out there and mine is well, no more special than the next. I should clarify, I don’t really expect to ever go viral. I just hope that every now and then I can make someone smile, or cry, or cause to reflect. I’m really appreciative of the few comments I have received (mostly on Facebook) about my blog and I guess I’ll just keep writing until I run out of things to say, which, let’s face it, will be never. For now, I will write for myself mostly; for my kids later to read later about their crazy mom; and last but not least, for you, you seldom few who come click your way here. Thank-you and goodnight.

Parenting Duggar-style

2010-09-26T21:51:00.002-03:00

I’ve written briefly before about the Duggars from the TLC program 19 Kids and Counting. I, like I’m sure millions of other people, find this family so inspiring, especially the parents Michelle and Jim-Bob. I would like to share some of the advice they give on both their tv show and their website that I’ve found to have a positive impact on my family.

If you’ve watched 19 kids… even only a few times you may have heard someone mention the family motto “Jesus first, others second, yourself last.” If you look closely you’ll see it’s an acronym for JOY. I’m sure somewhere deep down in my repertoire of Sunday School jargon I have this phrase filed away but since hearing it on 19 Kids… I’ve begun to put it to use. It’s been particularly helpful with my oldest as he’s old enough to understand the concept. I often catch him saying it if he realizes he’s being greedy or inconsiderate. It helps us all to remember to put others above ourselves and that by doing this we are most importantly putting Jesus above all.

Another resource that I’ve just recently begun to use from the Duggars is a list of character qualities they have posted on their website. It’s a chart listing positive qualities that we all hope to instill in our children versus the negative behavior we wish to discourage. You can view it or download it here. The list briefly describes each character quality and refers to a Bible verse that corresponds to each. The emphasis is placed on the positive, not the negative behavior, which the Duggars stress often: “Praise your children 10 times more than you correct them”.

I’ve found this chart most useful in being able to identify and label what it is my children are doing that is good. Rather than just saying “What a good job you did helping to bring the groceries from the car,” I can now say “What a good job you did helping to bring the groceries from the car. When you help me with the groceries like you said you would, you are being very dependable.” The child will not just know they did good, but what it is about their action that was good, in this case the child was being dependable and responsible. The second way I found this chart to be useful is simply that I’m looking for opportunity to praise my children. I’m not sure if the praise is working to encourage my kids to do even more praiseworthy things, or that I am simply noticing the things they always did but didn’t take time to praise them for.

So my final piece of advice is to check out the Duggars website at www.duggarfamily.com . In regards to parenting, the FAQ section questions 7 & 14 are particularly helpful, as well as the Duggar House Guidelines. They also explain how they manage their day to keep their household running smoothly (advice I certainly need :) and a list of their favorite recipes. Char out.

Words of Encouragement

2010-09-17T12:28:00.002-03:00

Some days you just need to hear, or in this case, read some words of encouragement. The other day was one of those days for me. On another one of these days in the past, I took it upon myself (I make it sound like a monumental task, huh?) to write out some words of encouragement for myself when I need it. Usually these days are when I’m overwhelmed with housework and I need some motivation. Some days, like a couple of days ago, it’s just “One of dem days that a girl goes through” (shout out to Monica) when I’m just not feeling top notch about anything. Days like this I’m thinking “Why on earth have I ever thought that I can mother and nurture four children?” It’s not even that the kids are the problem, it’s just my frame of mind and my own negative outlook. I admit, my son tried my patience today and I just deleted 16 lines explaining why because that’s not the focus of this blog.

There was a time when I would have those kinds of days nearly constantly, until God freed me from an existence of anxiety and depression. And yet, that too is a topic for another blog. Right now I would like to list those words of encouragement. Mostly it’s just feel-good-about-yourself stuff (psychobabble I call it:) but some are scripture inspired or words of my favorite worship songs or quotes I’ve read. I hope that you too will find encouragement in these words if you ever need it. I’ve put it in table format so if you like, you can print and cut the phrases out, place them in a box or jar and pick one (or ten) at random. That was my original intention for this list, as I’ve done it before with favorite Bible verses and find it comforting. I urge you to add to this list or even create your own words of encouragement, perhaps also adding Bible verses that give you hope.

Quit feeling sorry for yourself.	Play the pumpin’ music. Get your body moving.
Holy Spirit - help me, help me, help me.	God has created you to do more and be more.
You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you.	You are worth more. Your children deserve more.
I am who God says I am: Beloved!	Your children deserve the best you can give them.
Do one thing that’s more positive than what you’re doing right now.	Other people may not struggle like you do - but they fail in other ways.
It just takes one step - do one thing differently.	You’ve been blessed! Count them right now.
I am loved, therefore I am.	Live! God spoke it, now do it!
Sing! Sing! Sing like you used to.	You were meant to live for so much more. Don’t lose yourself.
I know I’m better than this.	I can find the strength to beat this.
Read as long as you have to, to know you deserve better.	Stop blaming others - you are responsible for your actions.
Kiss and hug your children – then pray with each of them.	Kiss and hug your husband/wife – then pray with them.
You can be that strong mom/dad for your kids.	You can be the wife/husband your spouse is proud of.
Do, do, do- just do one more thing.	Sing a love song to Jesus.
You are not your mess. The Father sees His lovely child.	Stop, and sing “If you’re happy and you know it” with your kids.
Happiness is being blessed, and you are so blessed.	Read one more line; read one more reason why you’re worth it.
He sees how lovely you are – a beautiful mess.	Your mess does not define you. Step out of it.
Be your Father’s child.	You are safe in His arms.
Gather your children together to pray for you. Benefit from their unwavering faith.	You may not always be shown, but your family loves you and cannot live without you.
Create quietness. Calm yourself and your children.	Kneel before Him now. Relax and breathe in His presence.
Clear your mind and listen for God’s voice.	I am MORE than a conqueror through Christ Jesus who loves me.
Slow to anger. Abounding in love.	I am better than this. I can do it!
Calm mother. Calm baby.	Save me Jesus, once more.
I can rise above. God created me to conquer.	How blessed I am to have found my Savior.
He is mighty to save!	Oh how He loves us so.

You’ll notice above the inspiration for stailing; slow to anger, abounding in love. It’s my mantra some days. Peace!

Meatballs Carbonade

2010-09-11T18:10:00.007-03:00

I haven’t posted in my Kitchen and Cooking tab yet, so I thought I would start with what I made last night. I got this recipe from some old books my husband bought years ago at Value Village (he used to work there and we still have issues that he just has to go there every time we visit the city, but we never seem to get time to visit the book and bible store. I sing and it’s the only place to buy soundtracks for church).

Okay, sorry, back to the point of this blog. If you ever come across a Better Homes and Gardens recipe book volume I would strongly encourage you to pick it up. It isn’t fancy cooking. It relies on canned goods, and powdered boullions, and dried herbs and spices (who buys fresh anyways?). But it is good simple, family cooking. I’ve used dozens of recipes from them and this is one I found for meatballs that isn’t like totally awesome, but it’s really good. This one is from BH&G Beef Recipes. I tried it because I had non-alcoholic beer that I wanted to use up (I also use it in my fondue broth that I’ll have to post another time), and I remembered at a night shift potluck years ago a co-worker brought a beer-based meatball sauce that was awesome. It should be a requirement at potlucks to bring copies of the recipe your making, don’t ya think? I’m thinking hers had BBQ sauce too and who knows maybe I’ll be able to mimic that some day. Anyways, I’ve tried this recipe a couple of times and last night tasted the best. I’ll include the main recipe and little alterations I made which I think make it taste better. The alterations to the ground beef mixture are ones I got from another BH&G cookbook called Barbecue Recipes in a recipe for Barbecued Beef Burgers. Makes the most moist, awesome handmade burgers ever.

First a little history on Carbonade. And you thought you were just getting a recipe. I thought Carbonade was a dish that contained bacon (like an Italian Carbonara) but it is actually a Spanish word for a Belgium dish that contains beef, onions and beer with thyme and bay leaf for seasoning (thanks Wikipedia). This recipe doesn’t have bay leaf which may be a nice addition, but it does add bacon. Cow and pig. . . mmmm. Now for what you’ve all been waiting for: The Recipe . . .

Meatball Carbonade

Ingredients

Items in brackets are alterations from the main recipe.

3 slices (4)
1 beaten egg
1/4 cup fine dry bread crumbs
3/4 tsp. salt
black pepper to taste
1 12-oz can of beer or 1 1/2 cups (355ml can) OR
(2 tbsp. each of milk and ketchup)
1 lb. ground beef

____________________

2 medium onions, thinly sliced (1 large)
3 tbsp. all-purpose flour (2 tbsp.)
1 tsp. instant beef boullion powder
1 tsp. brown sugar (1 tbsp.)
1 tsp. white vinegar (1 tbsp.)
(2 tbsp. ketchup)
1/2 tsp. salt
1/4 tsp. dried thyme, crushed
(1 bayleaf)
2 tbsp. snipped parsley for garnish

In medium skillet cook bacon till crisp; crumble and set aside, reserving drippings. In bowl combine 1/4 cup of the beer (or milk and ketchup), egg, bread crumbs, 3/4 tsp. salt, and pepper; add ground beef and mix well. Shape meat mixture in to 24 meat balls. Brown on all sides in bacon drippings. Transfer meat balls to 1 1/2 quart casserole.

In same skillet cook onions til golden; stir in flour. Add remaining beer, boullion, brown sugar, vinegar, 1/2 tsp. salt, thyme, and dash pepper. Cook and stir till thickened and bubbly. Pour over meatballs. Cover and bake at 350 deg. for 45 minutes. Top with parsley and crumbled bacon just before serving (and remove bay leaf).

My notes: I just leave the bacon in the pan and mix it in with the sauce for more flavor. I didn’t use beer in the meatballs as they were premade. They would probably be too messy with both the beer and the added milk and ketchup, so I would choose either or. I just mix the flour and remaining sauce ingredients in a blender or Magic Bullet. I added ketchup to the sauce for a little color and flavor. My meatballs were nearly cooked before I put them in the oven so they were only in there 20 minutes or so.

PS. I tried everything I could think of to make a printer-friendly, 4x6 recipe card but I'm not techie enough to figure it out. My best advice is to highlight and select the recipe and then click "selection" under the print window before printing.

Summer is over…better blog.

2010-09-09T21:50:00.001-03:00

So, I’ve been a slacker, yes, yes I have. I haven’t posted all summer although I’ve thought about it a dozen times. Sitting at a computer for any longer than 15 minutes isn’t exactly summertime fun in my opinion, but school is back in full swing now, kids are in bed and I have a few minutes to write a few words.

So what did I do all summer? I travelled; camped; sat around in a slump for a few days here and there; and went to the beach. That’s pretty much it really but it was great. Some of the sitting around in a slump was due to our exciting news that we are expecting our 4th, count ‘em, 4th child! If I were to ever get pregnant again (which we are aren’t planning on, 4 is our ideal), then I would not like it to be in the summer. At least not for the 1st trimester. So tired and sick and lazy, I felt like I wasted a bit of my summer. But only in between travelling and camping trips so it wasn’t so bad.

But we are super-excited! As you know, I have a now 15-month old and she is still my little baby so I’m really happy to be having another baby in a few months. I think it will be interesting to have a near 2 year old and a newborn, especially since my little one is so jealous of her older brother and sister, I can’t imagine how she is going to react to another baby.

All my kids are just about 3 years apart except for these last two which are going to be just 21 months. The reason my husband and I planned this is because we are 30 now, been having kids for 7 years and we just wanted to get it all over with. We would have gotten pregnant earlier but I am one of those that breast-feeding is actually contraceptive. I mean, I guess so, because I don’t start my, you know, monthly, until my babies are about 11 months old, and didn’t get pregnant until then, although we had been trying for about 5 months before that. Well, not preventing is a better description. It’s hard to try when you have no idea when or even if you are ovulating.

I told that rather personal story to lead into my real story which is why I had to get an ultrasound at 12 weeks. Because I had, I think my doctor called it, an inconsistent menstrual history, he wanted me to have an early ultrasound to confirm gestational age. This ultrasound was probably the most impactful of all 4 of my pregnancies simply because it was at such a young age. Here was this tiny little 5.76 centimetre, 2 oz person just moving around inside of me. At the usual 18-20 week ultrasound you can feel movement, and of course I can’t yet but still here was this little being jerking about, and putting his or her hand up to their eyes. It was so amazing to see him/ her in there with lotsa room to move their little arms and kick their little legs. I could even see something I’ve never seen before and that was the blood from my body pumping through the cord into his/her little body. It was just wonderful. Such a blessing for myself and my family to see this little miracle growing inside me.

Well should be heading off. Laundry is in the washer/dryer and it’s my goal to get it all done before bed. Hubby is out watching a movie so to sit here in near absolute quiet since 8:45p has been blissful, but it’s now 9:45p and time to say Char, out. Thank you Lord for life’s precious, quiet moments.

I took the plunge!

2010-06-29T21:31:00.003-03:00

So I finally did it. I posted my blog on facebook to let all my friends know that I’m blogging. It’s done now I can’t change it. I’m not getting the traffic I would like and I needed to do something to get things moving. I hope it works!!! My fears are that there are some people who will simply not agree with some of my opinions or even take offense to them. And secondly, that people will get a glimpse of the real me, failures, faults and all. It’s a step towards greater transparency (not hiding who I am), openness (being willing to share and receive opinions), honesty (telling the truth as I see it) and vulnerability (being willing to share my heart even if my feelings or someone else’s get hurt-I really hope that doesn’t happen).

So I have so many things I have to say and have to say it quickly. The kids and I are planning a trip out of town to visit my sis-in-law and to celebrate Canada’s 143rd birthday so I have to pack. Poor Daddy has to stay home and work. Considering he was away for a week on a canoe/camping/ bachelor party trip, then home for a week and then travelling again for business, I don’t think he’ll stress too much about it.

I’ve created a new Recipes and Cooking tab. I’m trying to think of a better title for it but this is all I could come up with right now. My mind has been swirling with bits of advice to add to the Advice and Tips page and many of them are kitchen related. I was hoping to add my favorite recipes at some point so I thought it’s just as well to create a whole tab to devote to both. I haven’t written anything for it yet but I will for my next blog. Originally I had hoped to write on each subject and have it separate from my main blog. But Blogger doesn’t really allow for that so writing on my main blog and linking to it on each tab was the best way I could think to work it.

School is out. Makes me happy!!! I’m not yet to the point where I’m like “Oh, I wish the kids would go back to school.” I hope I don’t ever get to that point but when I get used to them all being in school I may feel differently :). I like not having to get my son up for school every morning although we haven’t been sleeping in much because we have to be at swimming lessons at 10 am. I should note that all of my babies slept/sleep in until 9:30-10 am every morning so I consider getting up at 8:00am to be an early morning. I think parents play a big part in programming their kid’s internal clocks. I try to get up earlier but it just doesn’t work for me so I just go with what my body tells me.

We’re just getting over the stomach flu . . . gastroenteritis to be more correct. I don't like to use the term stomach flu because some people think it and influenza are one in the same. Like my best friend who lamented on her facebook status how she couldn’t understand why she had the stomach flu when she had had her flu shot (ie inFLUenza shot) (sorry my ducky but I laugh to myself about that all the time:). The only comparison is that gastroenteritis is usually a virus, as influenza is. But you all know the latter from the H1N1 scare! It’s been a weird stomach flu though. Mild in terms of the episodes of vomiting and diarrhea (did you really sign up to read about vomiting and diarrhea?) but the nausea is just going on and on for days. I went to church on Sunday because I thought we were all better but my little boy and I were still having nausea this morning. Speaking of Sunday, there’s a great new girl (is girl okay? it’s weird to say lady or woman) at church who when I said we had been sick with the stomach flu responded “Ewwww, what’s that like? I’ve never had it.” Have you ever in your life met anyone who has never had or at least can’t remember having the stomach flu? Isn’t that crazy? She’s one lucky girl. But her little girl is going to Primary in September- they call Kindergarten, Primary, in this province, I know, weird, it takes some getting used to – so I have a feeling her luck is soon to run out. I'm out.

My picks for best and worst kids TV shows

2010-06-21T02:37:00.004-03:00

Since buying Your Baby Can Read, I’ve found that I’m more picky about what my kids watch on TV, in particular my 4 year old. Here is a list of shows that I recommend for their content which focuses on reading, letter recognition, and other educational activities. Feel free to add more to the comments below and I’ll post them on my list if I agree.

Super WHY! (PBS and CBC in Canada)-Lots of letter and word recognition, and usually good moral lessons
WordWorld (PBS)-An entire world built out of words! It doesn’t get much better than that.
Patty and Sid from KidsCBC (CBC in Canada)-In between programming, they do a thing similar to oldschool Sesame Street with alot of letter, word and number recognition as well as French vocabulary.
Sid the Science Kid (PBS)-As suggested, this show explores the world of science, but my kids have never really liked this show.
Sesame Street (PBS)-It’s not the top at my list because I find it less educational then when I was a kid.

Here is a list of shows that I recommend to not allow your kids to watch (at least in Christian families) and the reasons why:

What’s New Scooby-Doo? and other more recent spin-offs (Cartoon Network, Teletoon in Canada)-This show once had Daphne asking someone about Wicca and essentially encouraging the viewers to embrace the Wiccan religion. I have to admit though I still let the kids watch the old, less inclusive Scooby-Doo on DVD even with it’s ghosts and goblins (aren’t they always a concotion?).
Arthur (PBS)-One of Arthur’s friends practices yoga and even has a seance-like meditation session!
Waybuloos (Treehouse in Canada)-A BBC show aimed at infants and toddlers, these cute characters do yoga, and levitate.

The Unsubject

2010-06-21T00:01:00.004-03:00

Don’t really have anything in particular to blog about but thought I might because it’s been a few days. My hubby was away for week and came back this morning. Very happy about that although I must admit I had a good week without him. It was one of those weeks that my temperament was on an even keel. In other more pertinent words, I was slow to anger and abounding in love this week. Stailing came easier for me than other times. As I mentioned here, there are some days when I just can’t get a grip on my patience level at all and I am glad that even though I didn’t have my husband to rely on this week, I was able to keep it cool (mostly:). I swear it’s hormones, it drives me crazy!!! Literally, haha. I also believe that headaches I’m prone to suffer from are hormone triggered as well. Cross my fingers I’ve had a fewer headaches for about 6 months now.

Well, here’s a recap of my weekend (which have been crazy busy now that summer is here):

Thursday I cleaned the whole day and my son had a friend to visit.
Friday I went to my son’s field day trip to the beach, and then he had some of his friends over to have fun in the pool, and slip-n-side. We don’t have a real pool (boo) just a wading one. I don’t usually have friends to visit because well, the house is always too messy, but it’s getting summer soon and I wanted him to spend time with his school friends.
Saturday I had one of the craziest mornings I’ve had in months but in a nutshell, my big kids raced in the annual marathon (they did the 100m run, not the marathon :). Here’s an equation for ya, 1 parent + 3 children + 2 races = no fun. I even had a friend help and it was still craziness.
Sunday my hubby came home early enough for church in the morning and the two of us went out for supper sans kids to celebrate Father’s day and our 7th anniversary (which he missed last week because he went on a canoe trip/bachelor party, but I’m not bitter).

We’ve left our baby with a babysitter before but she’s always been in bed before we left so it was kinda nil. Today she napped for 20 minutes-ish on the way to and fro church so of course she wouldn’t go down for her real nap until probably 5:30pm. I thought she would sleep for an hour or so but she stayed down until we got home at 8:30pm, so she still hasn’t been left with a babysitter really. I’m sure she would be fine anyways, my kid’s are seriously some of the most easygoing kids you would ever come across. It’s true!!! She was puttering around here until just a while ago when she finally tuckered out.

So, I am still waiting to find my blog on google, yahoo etc. I’ve been doing all the tips I found to get the site listed although it can take a month or so I guess. There’s just one tip that I’ve shied away from: tell your friends. I don’t want to tell my friends I’ve started a blog. I don’t want them to know the real me!!! Isn’t that awful? Maybe someday. I just don’t know if I want all my friends to know my faults, my real opinions etc. Ahh well someday, someday.

Oh, one more thing, I posted here that I kinda made up the term stailing. Well I was wrong, there was already a definition on urbandictionary.com. A rather dumb definition I might add but it was there just the same. I added my definition and it was accepted. You can read them both at this link. I’m out.

Journal entry, June 7, 2010

2010-06-15T12:28:00.007-03:00

“Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to me made. She came to him and asked, ‘Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself. Tell her to help me!’” (Luke 10:40)

Oh how I hear myself in Martha’s plea. “Oh, I have so much to do, on my I’ll never get it done. Why isn’t [my husband] helping me? Kids, do this! Kids, do that! Lord, speak to [my husband’s] heart. Get him in here and help me make supper.”

“ ‘Martha, Martha,’ the Lord answered, ‘you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.’” (Luke 10:41, 42)

“Charlotte, Charlotte, you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Choose what Mary did. It’s better. Then all the other things will come into place. Be with me. Listen to me. Sit at my feet as Mary did.”

“Jesus, I’m tired of being too worried and upset about many things. I just want to sit with You. Listen and learn from You. I’ve heard this story dozens of times but You’ve opened my heart to know that I’m not a lazy Mary (as I’ve always seen her) but a worrisome Martha. Help me to balance the two Lord. Help me to begin my day with You so my other tasks go more smoothly. I love you Jesus. Thank you for your Word . Thank you for your love.

Why I’m a Stay-at-home Mom (for the most part)

2010-06-11T12:41:00.003-03:00

First of all, very excited that Windows Live Writer is configured for Blogger because I write the blog exactly how it is seen on my site as opposed to Blogger which doesn’t and I ended up with huge formatting problems on my last post. Also, I can write offline and post later if I choose which is also great when I have no connection available and I’m dying to write something. Now to the subject of my post.

Have you ever made a decision about something and didn’t really formulate a reason why or forgot the reason why? This is what I did with my reasons for being a stay-at-home mom. I was asked just last week if I would ever go back to work full-time and my first thought was that I wouldn’t want to put my kids in daycare or to a babysitter. I didn’t say that out loud but I wondered why I felt that way. You may have noted on the “About Me” section to the right, I am also a part-time health care worker. I only work on average once a week, and sometimes, like this past week, I may work 3 shifts in a row and maybe work only once more for the rest of this month. I am blessed with the choice to work only when my husband is off so it means that at least one of us is home to care for the kids at all times. I like it that way and my husband told me yesterday that’s the way he likes it too (I always learn new things about him:).

Now then, to my reasons for staying at home. First of all, I was going to say that I can afford to but this is not entirely true. I work very hard at living on one income (mine goes entirely to debt and/or savings depending on our situation at the time). I budget constantly to keep from going into the negative in our bank account. I say this because I am sure that the number one reason that most moms go to work is because they believe they can’t afford not to. I’m trusting God to honor our decision to have children and bring us through financially, although it is hard at times.

I was listening to the news yesterday which was reporting the story about a man charged with molesting three girls from his wife’s daycare. Ah, what despairing drop in my spirit for those beautiful children. What a sigh of relief that my children were safe at home with their Daddy. As tears came in my eyes over and over again throughout the morning, I began to remember other stories of caregiver abuse. A women who sexually abused the children in the daycare she ran. Another woman who would make the little boy she babysat put his head in the corner of the couch for hours on end and if he moved she would spank him over and over.

These are the real reasons I am a stay-at-home mom.

Please don’t be offended by this. I know there are many mothers out there who would give anything to be at home with their children but can’t for good reason. Well, I can. As hard as it may be, I can afford it. I have a husband who is beyond supportive for me to do this. It’s my greatest goal and pleasure in life to raise my children on my own and as I see fit. I may not be the best at it, but I know when my 4-year old calls at work crying for me to come home that I’m wanted, needed and loved. With God’s grace and guidance I continue to do my best.

Oh what a day . . . This is a long one.

2010-06-06T21:32:00.019-03:00

One of the reasons I started this blog was to use it as sort of a confessional, a way to be held accountable maybe. I'll start with this: I am a life-long procrastinator and suffer from chronic disorganization. I should be clear that this is self-diagnosed. I've never been told by a professional that I suffer from chronic disorganization but one look into my house and my habits and you'll see that it isn't that hard to pinpoint. Also, I don't think that most mental health professionals would even consider chronic disorganization as a diagnosis, but there's something definitely abnormal about my behaviour (yes, I've been watching too much Hoarders).

Today my procrastination has caused the suffering of another member of God's great animal kingdom and very much emotional pain for me. If I'm honest, I am procrastinating right now by writing this instead of cleaning up my house but my mind is racing so much that I just have to write and get it off my chest.

The day after we found her at about 6 days old.

The story began last Saturday night when I went into the shed to get my kid's bikes out for them. Lying on the floor apparently abandoned was a tiny baby mouse only about 5 or 6 days old, as I later learned. She was squeaking so loudly as if begging someone to help her. She couldn't even really walk. I also later learned that she appeared to be female.

I left her alone for a little while but her mother never came back. We took her inside knowing she might not make it but thought it would be worth the try to save her. As I found out this was a very risky thing to do and I would not recommend anyone to adopt abandoned mice. Deer mice carry a virus called hantavirus that is extremely toxic to humans causing serious illness and very often death. I didn't know this at first but chose to continue caring for her after learning that the area I live in an area that has not had any human cases of hantavirus and has not even documented any cases of hantavirus in mice. I figured if myself or my family came down with symptoms of hantavirus that I would seek medical attention immediately and pray for the best.

In my daughter's hand at about 8 days old.

I found instructions on how to care for her on the Internet. I read that until her eyes opened up it was very unlikely that she would live but she seemed to be doing very well. She was eating great, and all her bodily functions were doing what they should. I was so happy last night when I noticed that her eyes were starting to open into little slits. I knew she was probably hitting the 2 week old mark soon and that she was well on her way. In the last couple of days she had started to nibble on things when she was hungry which I thought maybe indicated she was getting ready to start solid foods in a few days.

Feeding her.

That all changed today. I didn't get up and feed her first thing in the morning like I usually did. I went straight to my netbook and sat there for at least an hour. Then I got my son ready to go to a friend's house. When I got back, I put the baby down for a nap and got busy figuring out how to plug coordinates into the GPS. At around 1:30pm I finally remembered that I hadn't fed the mouse or changed the water in her hot water bottle. I went to pick her up and she was pretty lifeless but I thought once I started to feed her she would perk up. It took me a few minutes to realize that she wasn't opening her mouth to feed; she was air hungry, a phenomenon that can occur I guess when all mammals are dying. I had witnessed it before in humans at my job so I knew she was passing away. Watching that poor little thing breathe her last breaths was heartbreaking, and here I had been trying to feed her.

I bawled all afternoon. Alot for the mouse to which I had become more attached to than I realized, and even more for the fact that I really believe she died because of my negligence. If I had cared for her first thing in the morning like I should have and she had still died, then I think I would feel less guilt. But now I have to live with the shame of allowing my sin to once more rule me and this time with great consequence. Oh I am sure some of you are thinking "But it was only a mouse." Yes, it was just a mouse, but it was a mouse that was totally dependent on me and I failed her. I sought recluse for a few minutes, bawling my eyes out, and asking God for forgiveness for letting my sin stand in the way of my responsibility. The tears fell from the realization of the permanence of my actions. Actions that not just affect a poor little mouse, but my children, my husband, my friendships and most importantly, my relationship with my heavenly Father.

3 days before she passed away at about 10 days old.

Rest in Peace Li'l Squeaky.

Stailing, easier said than done

2010-05-31T22:16:00.011-03:00

So today was my baby's 1st birthday. It was rather uneventful because we had a big party for her and her big sister's 4th birthday last weekend. She did get lots of kisses and hurrays today though, and cupcakes for everyone at supper. She really enjoyed that cupcake, especially the icing. Nothing as cute a baby with fistfuls of cake. It makes me sad because my little baby is getting to be such a big girl. I guess big girl is something of an overstatement because she's actually a tiny little thing at just over 16 lbs. It just makes me so sad at how fast time flies by.

Her birthday party over the Victoria Day weekend was so great. The weather was fantastic which was a big sigh of relief for me because I had planned a big lawn party. One thing that I stipulated to both of the older kids was not to bring their friends in the house to play with toys and make a huge mess. You must understand: there were over 20 children at the party so in our little 3 bedroom bungalow that would have equalled one big mess. Our 6-year old boy was guilty of having his friends in to just "pick out toys." As a result, I found myself becoming angrier and speaking sterner to him than I would have liked. I know organizing big events like this can be stressful but I realized that it wasn't the stress of the party causing me to be short. I realized it was pretty well the way I talk to him all the time but I was more aware of it because of the many people around me. That really shook me up, but I'll write more about him another time.

So stailing? I constantly fail. I find myself losing it sometimes over dumb stuff. There are times when I have the patience of Job but others when ... just a note, this is where I fell asleep and couldn't continue this blog. It is now 3 days later, I think ...

... others when I am short-tempered, irritable and so on. One of these times which I have identified and are trying to avoid is when I'm on the computer in the daytime with the kids around. I try to avoid anything more than a quick email/facebook check when I'm caring for the kids so this doesn't happen. And really, there is no need to be on the computer in the daytime, but I admit I am now :).

Back to my tone with my kids. I will just have to try harder to keep it quiet and reserved. I like how Michelle Duggar (from 19 Kids and Counting, do I really have to say that?) says that she had to train herself to use the same tone of voice, even when she is angry. And from watching just one episode of that show it's easy to see that she has the most gentle tone of voice ever. Gary Chapman (from the Love Languages series) says to be pleasant but firm. Is screaming "GET OUTTA HERE" pleasant enough???

So, it's reading and learning and praying and loving . . . stailing . . . striving to live slow to anger and abounding in love. God knows I love my kids with my whole heart but the love has to be shown in abundant and beautiful ways. Off the computer, on my way; my baby has awaken.

Well, hello there!

2010-05-25T10:17:00.003-03:00

It's nice to see you here. Well you know what I mean; I'm glad you've decided to stop by and are reading up to this point. This is my first blog, pretty well ever. I've dabbled here and there on private networking sites but this is my first time ever puttin' it out there on the web for all the world to see. For that reason, I'm feeling a little secretive. I don't know if I want all my life displayed but yet I've been having this urge to create this blog for weeks now and it's finally overcome me.

I've always written. Mostly poems as a child and teenager (which I rarely do now). I think then it was romantic and mysterious to express my feelings in a cryptic poem. Perhaps I felt I had something special in my emotional teenage mind to share. Now I'm less mysterious and want to write simply and clearly what's on my heart and mind. I've been driving myself crazy writing in my head these past few months and that's why I wanted to start a blog to see if it will ease the nearly constant thoughts racing through my head.

"Why not start a journal?" you may be asking. I have. Two as a matter of fact. One in which I write to my husband about anything that's bothering me. It used to be a way for me to vent about our problems but nowadays it's usually a love letter to him and our children. The other journal is a devotional journal in which I document what I've learned in my relationship with the Lord. And that brings me to the name of this blog . . .

If you didn't already notice, stailing is an acronym of sorts for slow to anger, abounding in love which is from Psalm 86:15. I've created the term stailing, as far as I know, and let it forever be on the record as me doing so. Stailing describes living as best as one can to be slow to anger and abounding in love as our heavenly Father is. Note "as best as one can" because I assure you my best sometimes is not very good. But I'm trying, as I hope you are, and I long for the day when my obedience will be made complete (2 Cor. 10:6).