Monday, May 31, 2010

Stailing, easier said than done

So today was my baby's 1st birthday. It was rather uneventful because we had a big party for her and her big sister's 4th birthday last weekend. She did get lots of kisses and hurrays today though, and cupcakes for everyone at supper. She really enjoyed that cupcake, especially the icing. Nothing as cute a baby with fistfuls of cake. It makes me sad because my little baby is getting to be such a big girl. I guess big girl is something of an overstatement because she's actually a tiny little thing at just over 16 lbs. It just makes me so sad at how fast time flies by.

Her birthday party over the Victoria Day weekend was so great. The weather was fantastic which was a big sigh of relief for me because I had planned a big lawn party. One thing that I stipulated to both of the older kids was not to bring their friends in the house to play with toys and make a huge mess. You must understand: there were over 20 children at the party so in our little 3 bedroom bungalow that would have equalled one big mess. Our 6-year old boy was guilty of having his friends in to just "pick out toys." As a result, I found myself becoming angrier and speaking sterner to him than I would have liked. I know organizing big events like this can be stressful but I realized that it wasn't the stress of the party causing me to be short. I realized it was pretty well the way I talk to him all the time but I was more aware of it because of the many people around me. That really shook me up, but I'll write more about him another time.

So stailing? I constantly fail. I find myself losing it sometimes over dumb stuff. There are times when I have the patience of Job but others when ... just a note, this is where I fell asleep and couldn't continue this blog. It is now 3 days later, I think ...

... others when I am short-tempered, irritable and so on. One of these times which I have identified and are trying to avoid is when I'm on the computer in the daytime with the kids around. I try to avoid anything more than a quick email/facebook check when I'm caring for the kids so this doesn't happen. And really, there is no need to be on the computer in the daytime, but I admit I am now :).

Back to my tone with my kids. I will just have to try harder to keep it quiet and reserved. I like how Michelle Duggar (from 19 Kids and Counting, do I really have to say that?) says that she had to train herself to use the same tone of voice, even when she is angry. And from watching just one episode of that show it's easy to see that she has the most gentle tone of voice ever. Gary Chapman (from the Love Languages series) says to be pleasant but firm. Is screaming "GET OUTTA HERE" pleasant enough???

So, it's reading and learning and praying and loving . . . stailing . . . striving to live slow to anger and abounding in love. God knows I love my kids with my whole heart but the love has to be shown in abundant and beautiful ways. Off the computer, on my way; my baby has awaken.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Well, hello there!

It's nice to see you here. Well you know what I mean; I'm glad you've decided to stop by and are reading up to this point. This is my first blog, pretty well ever. I've dabbled here and there on private networking sites but this is my first time ever puttin' it out there on the web for all the world to see. For that reason, I'm feeling a little secretive. I don't know if I want all my life displayed but yet I've been having this urge to create this blog for weeks now and it's finally overcome me.

I've always written. Mostly poems as a child and teenager (which I rarely do now). I think then it was romantic and mysterious to express my feelings in a cryptic poem. Perhaps I felt I had something special in my emotional teenage mind to share. Now I'm less mysterious and want to write simply and clearly what's on my heart and mind. I've been driving myself crazy writing in my head these past few months and that's why I wanted to start a blog to see if it will ease the nearly constant thoughts racing through my head.

"Why not start a journal?" you may be asking. I have. Two as a matter of fact. One in which I write to my husband about anything that's bothering me. It used to be a way for me to vent about our problems but nowadays it's usually a love letter to him and our children. The other journal is a devotional journal in which I document what I've learned in my relationship with the Lord. And that brings me to the name of this blog . . .

If you didn't already notice, stailing is an acronym of sorts for slow to anger, abounding in love which is from Psalm 86:15. I've created the term stailing, as far as I know, and let it forever be on the record as me doing so. Stailing describes living as best as one can to be slow to anger and abounding in love as our heavenly Father is. Note "as best as one can" because I assure you my best sometimes is not very good. But I'm trying, as I hope you are, and I long for the day when my obedience will be made complete (2 Cor. 10:6).