Friday, October 15, 2010

The promise was when everything fell, we'd be held.

Below is an excerpt from an old blog I no longer maintain that I wrote, hmm, Sept. 2007. There are also excerpts from my journal at the time. It explains some changes that God made in my life that I alluded to here. I thought it would be nice to post what I wrote and felt then, as opposed to my perspective of it now. I like how when I re-read it, I can feel the passion I felt then, and remember how the words flowed from my heart.

There's more to this story and I may add to it in the future, but here's a start. The lyric "the sacred is torn from your life," was how I felt. I felt as if nothing was sacred anymore. Nothing held joy or wonder or life. And God changed that for me.

Journal: "My friend, who lost her unborn baby at 21 weeks plays a song, which I've heard many times before but never really grasped, on her website in memory of her baby. The song "Held" by Natalie Grant came on the radio online so I decided to look up the lyrics and ended up listening to the song again.

I went about my chores and as I listened I felt such a relief and wept tears I haven't been able to weep probably in years. Tears of overwhelming awe that God loves me and He holds me in His hands. Some of the lyrics go like this: 'This is what is means to be held and to know that when the sacred is torn from your life, and you survive...This is what it is to be loved and to know that the promise was when everything fell, we'd be held'. So, I'm listening to this and feeling God tell me that no matter what I've been or am going to be or going to go through He has and always will hold me. I honestly cannot remember the last time I felt so loved by God, which is precisely the theme of yesterday's chapter [in Believing God by Beth Moore]."

Old Blog: "I want to post lyrics to a song that has been such a strength for me. Not simply because it is a beautiful song but because God spoke to me through it and some other avenues (such as the book Believing God) a few months back, and I am nearly daily remembering it's promise and His word. He's continued since then in less subtle, yet undeniable ways, to draw me closer to His Heart although I have so far to go.

I had heard this song many times before. Had listened and sobbed as I read a friend's Piczo tribute to her lost son. But one particular day as I was listening to it (while cleaning out underneath my loveseat :), God really spoke to me through it. Two weeks later to the day, He affirmed it's message to me again by reading a chapter of Believing God that spoke of His unfailing love, how He never lets us fall. Basically His Word was this:

God is Love.
Love never Fails, therefore,
God never Fails.

Seems pretty simple, doesn't it? Well, the intricies are this. The word fail translated from Greek doesn't have the same connotation that we assume for the word fail. The Greek word translated from the verse 'Love does not fail' really means 'does not allow to fall to the ground'. So how does something not fall to the ground? It is held, by a hand, an arm, a piece of wood... whatever the case, love does not fall to the ground. When someone makes a mistake (they fail) it can be described as 'falling flat on your face'. You can love someone, make a mistake and trip, but you won't fall flat on your face because God has said, that loving in His name never fails; you, nor your love, can never fall to the ground. Remember that when you are loving someone who is hard to love at times! God doesn't let that love fall to the ground. It is stored up in heaven and someday you will receive that love back and infinite times more when you see the face of Jesus and all the love you could not even imagine gazes at your face as if you were the most beautiful thing He has ever seen. And you are.

God is love.
God loves us.
Love never fails, therefore
God never fails and
God does not allow us, whom He loves, to ever fall to the ground. We are constantly held in His hands. Our circumstances fall to the ground, our egos, our incomes, our youth, our health, our minds; they can all fall, but we are held. And because we are held, we are safe, and we have strength. We may not have enough strength to lift our heads, or get out of bed, but because we are held, we are given the strength to never, ever fall to the ground. 'This is what it means to be held. How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life and you survive. This is what it means to be loved and to know that the promise was when everything fell, we'd be held'. "

Get your hands on this song. It's simply, I don't even know the word, I'd have to look it up in a thesaurus.

by Natalie Grant, Written by Christa Wells

Two months is too little
They let him go
They had no
sudden healing

To think that providence would
take a child from his mother while she prays
is appalling

Who told us we'd be rescued?
What has changed and why should we be saved
from nightmares?

We're asking why this happens
to us who have died to live
It's unfair

This is what it means to be held
How it feels
when the sacred is torn from your life
and you survive

This is what it is to be loved
and to know
that the promise was when everything fell,
we'd be held

This hand is bitterness
We want to taste it and let the hatred numb
our sorrows

The Wise Hand opens slowly
to lilies of the valley and

If hope is born of suffering?
If this is only the beginning?
Can we not wait for one hour
watching for our Savior?

This is what it means to be held
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
and you survive

This is what it is to be loved
and to know
that the promise was that when everything fell,
we'd be held

Monday, October 4, 2010

A blog about, my blog

Soooooo…. as you can seeeeee….. (if you’ve visited before) I’ve updated the look!  Something I’ve wanted to do since almost immediately after I initially designed my site and Blogger came out with a new fancy, shmancy “Template Designer” that had much nicer, more customizable templates.  But alas, as it takes me forever to decide on backgrounds and colors and whatnot, I delayed redesigning it until this past week.  And I should have delayed longer because I have my husband’s entire family (and I mean full immediate family-7 in all, 12 including us) coming to visit in a few days and I have a ton of cleaning to do, but what else is new?  Did I mention I have 3 kids, a 3 bedroom bungalow and nowhere to put these people except in our travel trailer.  But my in-laws are seriously the best, and so easy to please, so it’s all good.

I hope you like the new look.  I liked the green before, but it didn’t really say what I wanted the blog to say.  I found this picture online (don’t worry, I’ve sought permission to use it), and thought it was really appropriate even though I was trying to stay away from photos as backgrounds and wanted a little more color than black and white.  I think the pink tones add a nice touch, even though I try to stay from pink too because it’s just so girly.  But I have to admit, I like pink.  When you have 2 daughters, it’s hard not to.

Back to the photograph.  I was going to add a caption but thought photography, as an art, shouldn’t have captions (unless it’s incredibly abstract) and should say whatever the person viewing thinks it says.  So here’s my question?  What does this photo (to the right, if you’re confused) say to you?  Leave a comment below and let me know what you think.  I had a friend say she tried to leave a comment the other day but had to have a Google account in order to do so.  If you neither have, nor want a Google account, then comment on Facebook (if you linked from there), or email me at  I’ll then post your comments on here for you!  Won’t that be fun?!?

So there’s this daddy blog at that’s been up since July, 2010, and it’s already gone viral in September with a blog about his experiences of rude questions asked about his adopted son of another race.  I got the link from, well, a friend on Facebook who has adopted children of another race (wonderful family).  Good for you but what is up with that?  How come I can’t go viral? or even just a little stuffy with maybe a touch of the runny nose? (drum roll anyone?)  Who came up with the term viral anyways?  I would settle for my site to come up on the first 50 pages of Google when I search “stailing” but nope, not yet.  Anyhoo, not having the internet savvy to create my own URL might be something to do with it (but I’m still appreciative Blogger).  Or maybe my life is just not as interesting as recently single dads of adopted mixed race sons.  Or maybe I’m just little old me up here in little old Canada (comparatively in population to the US).  Goodness knows there are thousands, if not closer to millions of mommy blogs out there and mine is well, no more special than the next.  I should clarify, I don’t really expect to ever go viral.  I just hope that every now and then I can make someone smile, or cry, or cause to reflect.  I’m really appreciative of the few comments I have received (mostly on Facebook) about my blog and I guess I’ll just keep writing until I run out of things to say, which, let’s face it, will be never.  For now, I will write for myself mostly; for my kids later to read later about their crazy mom; and last but not least, for you, you seldom few who come click your way here.  Thank-you and goodnight.